“Negative limiting beliefs have the power to restrict you, but you can take that power back”
Do you know what beliefs are stopping you from creating the life you truly want? Are your behaviours sabotaging you, and no matter how many times you try to stop them, the outcome ends up being the same or similar – little or no progress? Although you try to be more disciplined and push through, it is getting harder and harder to do so.
In this blog, I share with you a vivid memory that surfaced from 40+ years ago, that I now recognise as being a key moment where beliefs that limit my growth now, were formed. I share with you an empowering 4-step exercise that you can action now to unpack what is going on so that you can let the limiting beliefs go versus putting a “band-aid” on for them to only surface later.
When I was 8, I moved to a country town in the upper north of the North Island of New Zealand.
At the time, we had been living in what I would call a decent-sized town (5+ hours drive) surrounded by neighbours.
I still remember arriving at what would become my home until I finished high school and not to sound cliché – being a New Zealander – but it was on a farm.
The smell of cow poo was overwhelming, however our home was a great size and the view of the countryside and ocean in the distance was pretty spectacular.
A few days after arriving, we visited the local school. There were 100 kids total from age 5 through 10. 1 class for each year level.
A day or so later we started school.
Previously I walked or rode my bike to school.
Now we had to take the school bus – the school was over 10 kilometres (km) away, our driveway alone was at least 1 km long.
On the bus my brother and two older sisters seemed to find people their age – I didn’t.
Upon arriving at school I knew where to go, but I still had 15 or so minutes to kill time until the first bell rang.
Alone, I dropped my bag outside my class and I proceeded to walk a “loop”
1. Down the corridor past all the classrooms
2. Down the steps to the outside
3. Back along by the classrooms
4. Upstairs back into the corridor
Until the bell rang.
I recall I did the “loop” at least 3 times.
I could feel people staring at me. (remember it was a small school, with my siblings and myself joining, the school students increased by 4% that day)
With my head hung low, I tried not to make eye contact.
I can recall telling myself to just keep walking, all would be okay once the bell rang. “I don’t need friends” “Noone wants to be friends with me, my brother and sisters are better friends than me” “People probably think I look weird, why can’t I fit in?”
No one said anything. I don’t think they had time to. At this moment I wanted to be invisible. I wanted the day to be over.
Once the bell rang, we lined up. An older girl came to me and asked what class I was in (remember only 1 class per year at the school) she kindly introduced me to a girl next to her who was my age. She became my buddy.
WHY AM I SHARING THIS PARTICULAR MEMORY?
In these moments, unconscious to me, certain limiting beliefs were formed and some were given more evidence to support them.
Limiting beliefs are those beliefs that restrict and often stop us from doing something we really want to do (they fuel the annoying thoughts in our head) . They are formed by something happening in our life and at that time we have made up a story of the why and the what. From that point on we live our lives believing this is true as we believe we will then be safe.
The fact that 40 years later I can still remember the emotion, I can still feel the feelings and the loneliness, shows me that although I am not that 8 year old anymore in biological age, there is a part of me that still is.
This part of me shows up unconsciously, believing I need protection.
I am grateful that through my own personal growth journey I am now questioning each belief as I become aware of them asking the question:
“Is this belief real now? Do I still need to be protected?”
“What is the underlying need driving this behaviour?”
WHAT WAS MY UNDERLYING UNMET NEED?
For this reflection if you were to ask me, what was my need?
My answer is, I needed to feel that I belonged, that I was worthy to be
someone’s friend. That I am enough.
WHAT YOU CAN DO RIGHT NOW
1. Pause and reflect right now after reading this and write down in your
phone, in your journal/notebook what came up for you. Allow it all to
come, the thoughts, the images, the emotion, the feelings. No
judgement.
2. Now DOWNLOAD this helpful 4 step exercise that I use with clients
and myself to help you to not just notice the belief but think about
the behaviour that is or isn’t happening linked to this negative belief.
Reflect on the negative emotions associated with it and more
importantly the need below all of this that is driving it all.
I would love to hear your thoughts and reflections on this topic, please
email me caryn@carynwhite.com
“If you accept the limiting belief, it will become the truth for you”
Louise Hay
Caryn White – Certified Jay Shetty Life Coach
“I envision a world where we wake up every day
feeling we belong, feeling we are loved & knowing
we have a voice”
I help 35+ Professional Women to live their life’s purpose with passion and calm. Find calm…stop chasing it.
Schedule a free 30 min Chemistry Call Here
